~ A tutorial for the stuck, by Joan Kanner
“A quitter never wins and a winner never quits.” Are you sure about that?
Picture it. Irvington, NJ. It’s 1988. In a basement lunchroom of a Catholic elementary school, a couple dozen 10-year-olds restlessly await the start of a D.A.R.E. class; each distracted by the thunder snow outside. (Could you blame us? That stuff is rare.)
The teachers settle the kids down and the D.A.R.E. instructor begins. “There’s some people out there. They have a problem with their…” [points to his nose]
This gave ten-year-old me a WTH moment.
Problem with their nose? Wasn’t this supposed to be a class about DRUGS? My mind quickly switched to word association mode to make sense of it all. “Nose. Noses get hurt through sports. Wait, our school teams stink. What else happens to noses? They run. But that’s usually a drip, not an actual run like on two legs run. And a runny nose isn’t really a “problem,” unless it gets chapped. Wait, could he mean ugly noses? [gasp] Like go get a nose job?!”
Then there it was. He continued… “NO, I can’t stay and do drugs. I have homework to do… NO, I can’t meet you behind the gym to get high. My mom will ground me if I come home late.”
What?! This guy was willing to lose my attention because he wanted to have fun with homonyms?! Pfft…
But he did have a point. People do have a problem with their “noes.” This isn’t surprising. After all, persistence is seen as a virtue in our culture. How often does our advice giving include one of the following gems? “You don’t fail until you stop trying.” “Keep on truckin’!” “You can do iiiit!” I challenge you to ask – is this always the best advice? And we’re also told that you shouldn’t be wasteful, and isn’t that what quitting is? You already put so many resources into this one thing! Don’t waste what you’ve already said/done/begun to ingest (or imbibe) spent/thought.
Wait? Are you still reading? Is it because I haven’t completely bored you yet, or are you worried about sunk costs? Hold up… sunk costs?!
Yeah boooooy!!! Time to dabble in psych and econ.
There are A LOT of reasons why people don’t give up sooner than they should. We’ll focus on two – cognitive dissonance and the sunk-cost fallacy.
Cognitive dissonance. Cognition = thought. Dissonance = conflict. Thoughts that don’t follow one another: I’m trying to save money for a home repair. I’m going to buy a newer, bigger TV. What’s the problem with these two thoughts? Well, if I’m trying to save money for a home repair, then buying a newer, bigger TV will set me back when it comes to achieving my savings goals. So, if I really want to save money, I shouldn’t buy the newer, bigger TV. Now we’re got ourselves a conflict, or dissonance. (And no, if you return said TV, whatever you buy with that money isn’t free…)
When you’re presented with conflicting thoughts, you’ll want to make that conflict go bye-bye. This means YOU’LL KEEP AT SOMETHING EVEN WHEN IT DOESN’T MAKE SENSE TO KEEP AT IT ANYMORE. With planned obsolescence, my current TV could go at any minute + at least I’m not getting a “wall display” + I’ll watch more stuff at home and go out less. Ta-dah! You can – no, should – get that 98” QLED 8K TV.
Now what about sunk costs? Per Stephen Dubner (Freakonomics)
“’Sunk cost’ is about the past — it’s the time, or money, or sweat equity that you’ve put into something, which makes it hard to abandon.” So, it’s what you already put into something, whether it’s time, muscle, treasure, social capital or a combo of those things.
In case you were wondering, quitting wasn’t always my thing. I kept showing up for meetings and committees that clearly were going nowhere. Sunk costs. I worked in a field where day after day my talents and drive were wasted; even mistaken for treason. Raises and promotions gave the illusion of forward progress and safety. Cognitive dissonance. A fatter paycheck didn’t equate with greater freedom. Instead, it was more like hush money. Reality. But after 15 years in grants and contracts administration, after pouring countless resources into the climb to an Assistant Director position (in title, mind you; not role), I decided to leave it all.
I take it that you still need some convincing. Okay, fine. Let’s add that quitting will give you more time, space, energy and OPPORTUNITY. Yes, opportunity. For every hour or dollar you spend on one thing, you’re giving up the opportunity to spend that hour or dollar on something else — something that might make your life better.
For me, the opportunities kept calling. And I knew that they were calling me away from – not toward – the rocks. I needed to answer them before they were gone: a mobile app set to FINALLY hit the App Store, a business changing the bagel game, other projects carefully sketched out waiting for their moment. A camp stove. A tank full of propane. Eggs. Bacon. Can’t start a fire… I was the match.
And you? Ever daydream during a meeting or while waiting in line, thinking about what you COULD be doing? What opportunities you were missing out on?
Plus, while it may cause anxiety now, quitting has A TON of health benefits!
“People who are better able to let go when they experience unattainable goals, they… experience, for example, less depressive symptoms, less negative affect over time. They also have lower Cortisol levels, and they have lower levels of systemic inflammation which is a marker of immune functioning. And they develop fewer physical health problems over time.” – Dr. Carsten Wrosch, Psychology professor, Concordia University in Montreal
Simply put, a few years ago I finally understood that I was asking myself the wrong question: “Why am I doing this?” Better: “Why am I still doing this?”
My answer? I chose to leave a career during my “prime earning years.” I chose to turn my attention and energy to growing my own companies and products. In sum, I chose to bet on myself. What will you choose to stop doing? … And what will that allow you to start?
BTW – you can always answer in your head. But you can also LMK.
About Joan Kanner, M.A.
Before Co-Founding Bottoms Up Bagels (BUB) in 2015 where she busted the myth that water is what makes a good bagel, Kanner had a 15-year career in academia. This included social science research and the detail-heavy firehose that is grants and contracts administration. She also conceptualized and created the music streaming app, Fugue, that lets you hear what you want and forget what you don’t. Kanner was Host and Producer of Proofing Stage, a limited series that began in 2023 as a vivisection of BUB, sharing wins and cautionary tales from bootstrapping a food business. It then evolved to an interview format showcasing and supporting small business owners and underrepresented founders.
Fully embracing her chosen third career of podcasting, Kanner is becoming even Saltier in Fall 2025 as a graduate student at the Salt Institute for Documentary Studies at MECA&D.
Her upcoming projects include a podcast that profiles forgotten food businesses by answering the question “Whatever happened to…?”
Whether she’s cooking, podcasting, or conducting research, Kanner uses humor to engage, educate, elevate lesser-told stories and combat erasure.